Chapter 4: Excruciating Condundrum(A&E) a.k.a Akalibobo

Babe is crying and I am not sure whether to console her or just let her be, after all I am the dog; so I told her all I know as a stone cold gentleman;"With her it was just fucking but with you we make love"She shot back;"And with fucking you use your dick while with love you use your hand right?"I responded; "come on baby..""Don't baby me you sonofabitch" she shouted.Her anger was now building, I could see her lower lip quivering and just like that, she screamed;"And why can't you keep your snake in your pants for just one weekend" and as she said that she kicked..She kicked where it hurts most.Its the kind of pain which is best described by the saying "the calm before the storm"After the initial shock, I bowled over in pain and sat on the bed and then unable to remain sitting lay on the bed, holding my "you know what."The pain was unbearable.She walked out of the room and after a few minutes she went into the bathroom, and came out looking freshened and in her hands some painkillers and a glass of water.As she handed them to me she looked me straight in the eye and said;"Next time it will be with a knife honey" and she smiled a most cold smile.We didn't talk the rest of the night except for the perfunctory; "would you like some dinner", or "please turn off the light when you are done with reading."I spent the rest of the night sleeping, hand between my legs, partially as I was afraid of said knife but also to prevent unnecessary movements of "you know what" which brought on pain. the pain had kinda subsided but remained like a dull toothache.I hoped the night would take the pain away but in the morning it was still there and I could feel it in my abdomen now.I couldn't walk straight and so I called in sick at the office and thereafter went to Accident and Emergency(A&E) department at the general hospital on glouchester street to get treatment.Shorty came with me.The little evil bitch went sweetly to the intercom at the reception of A&E and cooed;"My boyfriend here is in pain he has been involved in an accident.." and she added with a lowered voice, "...down there"The ward clerk at the reception, a 60 year plus old lady responded over the mic/intercom;"Am sorry maam can you please speak up, where did you say the pain was"If I was white, I should have been going red at that point"Little miss evil looked back at me then back to the ward , looked her straight in the eye and cooed back into the mic; "his testicles hurt"I was asked for the regular information; my name, date of birth, national insurance number, cause of injury(she lied that she mistakenly hit me in the groin)We were told to sit and wait to be called by a triage nurse for assessment.The triage nurse came in shortly and after some elementary questions about the nature of my case and giving me some pain killers she asked me to return to the waiting room so as to wait for a doctor to examine me.Waiting in a hospital waiting area must be the most boring thing in the world. I must have read and looked at everything there.The numerous notices on the noticeboard, the tv, the, Electronic Display Board and the colour of the chairs.How I looked at these again and again all the while sitting and waiting.Every time the inner door opened and I saw a nurse coming out I thought it was to announce a doctor to see me.And so there i sat in A&E in between watching the door for a nurse/doctor and occasionally glancing at the patients who walked in;granny here with hearing disability being escorted by 3 other old couples, teenager with beaten up face looked like a horror movie character, polish couple; the woman needing to see a dentist and immediately they seemed to want as they walked in and out of room a million times, the pain killers seemingly ineffective judging by the look on her face. The Indian Punjabi like fella looked illegal and so his eyes always darting back and forth. A mother and son sat in a corner, single mum I reckoned; man sleeping, hoodie over the head, long night it must have been; a chubby boy going to the toilet every 10 minutes; lasagna wrecking havoc to his innards i supposed.After I got bored with watching the patients, my attention shifted to the notices;Half of all cancers could be prevented by changes to lifestyle;Stop smoking,Stay in shape,Eat healthy,Be sun smart,Look after number oneREDUCE THE RISKwww.reducetherisk.org.ukTrapped; there is a way out, contact alcoholics anonymous 726681Drug problem? If you want to stop, maybe we can help, narcotics anonymous helpline 07797828911, call this number for your local meetings.Turn off all mobile phones,EDB; welcome to A&E department, we apologise for the delay caused. A nurse will call you after you have booked at reception and then you will be called in order of priority. There is a delay of at least one hour to see the doctor, we are sorry for any inconveniences caused"Need advice? Yes the youth enquiry service offers free confidential advice and information to anyone aged 14-25Need to talk? Contact 766828 or freephone 0800 7350121CCTV in operationI eventually got bored with reading the signs.I was still not talking to shorty. I think am now afraid of her, she really is evil you know.I am going to have to break up with her because this blonde bombshell is one vindictive bitch! in one instant little miss sunshine becomes little miss evil, talk about a female dr jekyll and mr hyde or should i say like Xmen's mystique."Dickson was-aike?I was saved from my thoughts by the doctor who turned out to be a foundation doctor, "dr Joseph" he introduced himself to me. He was accompanied by a nurse.I was ushered into a room and I was after the routine questions asked to drop my pants, have my balls touched, asked for urine sample, had my blood pressure tested, had my blood taken, temperature reading taken and asked to go for an ultra scan. Again I was waited upon by another nurse.After that I was returned to the examination room and a to second round of having my balls touched ensued, this time by a young female doctor, another female doctor who introduced herself as Doctor Victoria.After she had her fill I was subjected to the same questions and a third round of pant dropping, this time by an Indian doctor. Must have been the senior consultant. He had the air of an expert.The docs were eventually satisfied that it wasn't a case of testicular torsion which was their initial fear concern as that would have required an immediate surgical operation to save my nuts if possible that is.I was given some pain killers, and a follow up exam date and as I stepped out towards the waiting area to meet little miss evil, I thought I heard a nurse or was it female doctor say to another(unless medication was taking effect);"Geraldine, it is not a myth after all, they are pretty well endowed"P.SIn testicular torsion the spermatic cord that provides the blood supply to a testicle is twisted, cutting off the blood supply, often causing orchalgia. Prolonged testicular torsion will result in the death of the testicle and surrounding tissues.Testicular torsion is a medical emergency that needs immediate treatment. If treated within 6 hours, there is nearly a 100% chance of saving the testicle. Within 12 hours this rate decreases to 70%, within 24 hours is 20%, and after 24 hours the rate approaches 0. (eMedicineHealth) Once the testicle is dead it must be removed to prevent gangrenous infection.A triage nurse is the first point of contact for a patient in A&E, she assesses the nature of the condition and is instrumental in prioritising the patients to see a doctor.This is the fourth part of the excruciating conundrum series. The third part can be read here