Today

Today, I hit her. My wife, the love of my life. Where did it all start to go wrong? Is it one event? One moment? One word? One fight? Does it even exist? We truly were happy. Weren't we? At 25, the bank job was going great. I had my own car. The Asians were gone. I got that house cheap after that. There was the supermarket too, the land. All opportunities. All good fortune. What do you do when you're this successful in the 70's? Well, I got married. And we were happy. Great children. Good friends.This beer doesn't taste too good. James really is running this place into the ground. Everything tastes the same now. BlandThe bank collapsed. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, they say. Or is it chickens? I'm not that dumb. Not all my eggs were in that basket. Just most of them. Even after we invested our blood and sweat into this God-forsaken bank, the managers screwed us! They played with our money. All this time. They played golf, and bought pads. They made bad business decisions. This was the peoples' bank. Our bank! Our blood and sweat. MY bloo…I really need to find a new bar. The crowd here is too loud. Pretenders - the lot of them. They're just as miserable as I amEverything I touched after that went downhill. Did it? No - that wasn’t it. I lost a little here, a little there. Nothing too major. I could deal. It was just a slump. The best was yet to come. My kids were growing up. Still the best schools. It was easy. They were smart. Just like their old man, right? My good friends were still there. We all have bad days, sure. But that’s what the bar is for. I'm not an alcoholic. This is not one of those stories. My wife thought I drank too much. Doesn't every wife? She nags a little more lately. I prefer the bar. I am every man. Aren't I?I think I've reached my limit. I could swear that girl right there in the corner was ugly a second ago. There goes another tremor. Too many in Kampala these days, I say. Buildings will start falling at this rate.I am in jail. I borrowed money to re-invest. I needed to take care of some bills. The stupid bank couldn't be patient enough. I always get their money! Always. They just need to be patient. Do they think throwing me in jail will get their money back? It’s a small loan. I'll be out soon. Just 2 more months to go. 6 months is nothing. My eldest son wont come visit. Do I embarrass him now? I'm his father, for God's sake! At least the rest of the kids come by every now and then. My wife doesn’t nag too much. She looks at me sad and strange. She doesn't say much.Easy, easy. Key into ignition. Right. Seat belt - fastened. Rear-view mirror - check. There's not too much traffic today. At least I'm not staying home tonite. The lodge's not too far.Maybe I chose wrong. How do you see 30 years into the future? How do you know she wont always love you unconditionally?! How do you know she wont always support you? Be there for you. Thick and thin. Richer or poorer. Richer or poorer! You don't. Right? You can't. She nags and pecks nowadays. The fights get louder. I try to walk away. I try. Its not my fault nothing seems to be working out. I try! My eldest son hasn’t spoken to me in 7 years. He's in Europe. She's sending all the children out, as soon as they finish University. Two of them are in Canada now. I think she's planning to leave me. The last two are finishing soon. Then she'll send them away too… then what will I have? My best friend died last month. Am I that old? Now only 2 of us friends are left. Its only a matter of time.Today, we went to a party. I forgot to bring the cassettes she said I should bring. Our old songs. Our memories. She wouldn't let it rest. She embarassed me in front of my friends. She does that a lot. We can't fight in public. So I can't talk back. I tried to get her to stop. I joked about it. On the way back home, she started complaining again. Complaining about how useless I am. How I drank too much. How forgetful I am. How I can't do anything right. How sad and miserable I am!After 35 years. After being stripped of everything you hold dear. What makes you a man. Your pride, your dignity. Your self-worth. Something turned. Something snapped. Something broke. I stopped the car. I slapped her. Not once.She got out of the car and ran. Crying her heart out! What had I done!? I ran out after her. I grabbed her. She fought me. I held on. I'm sorry, I cried. I'm sorry! She cried. And I wept. She stopped fighting me. I told her at least I'd take her back home. And I led her back to the car.For what they're charging in this lodge, the least they could do is have clean sheets! They don’t smell too fresh even. I wonder who's been in here before me. We all know what happens in lodges. At least I got here okayShe told my children. All of them. My 27yr old son called me to berate me. My 25 yr old daughter too. My youngest daughter just cried. My eldest son couldn’t be bothered to talk to me. Imagine that, my own children - talking to me like that! My wife told me, she'd make sure they hated me. All of them. As I believe she does. I have lost my children's respect. But I lost my wife's a long time ago. I lost her long ago.What do I do now? She's not going to move out yet. She'll only stay for the younger ones. And then she'll send them away too. Then she'll leave. I'll have nothing. I have nothing. Today, I am not a man anymore. To her, I've become an animal. But you know what I think? I think I am human. Maybe tomorrow will have answers. I am so very tired. Do you start afresh? A new life? What do you do at 59? I'll tell you what you do at 59, you die.