I’m not sure I know where I am anymore

It has been a long time, I know. And I wish I could say I had mapped out the perfect layout for the next couple of years…
Word’s made its way my way about me being a difficult person to work with , and for some unsettling reason, I am bothered that anyone would think that of me.
Mother and I have not been talking for the longest time, she believes I hate her with every fibre in me. Truth be told, I don’t agree with her methods, the intimidation (read psychological/emotional), the choice of words she throws at me in her moments of rage/disappointment, and her incessant questionnaires about what I use my money for. My way of dealing with the drama is to get away from the situation and site of the engagement and take a walk/drive/drink/smoke/get-away.
I have thought about moving out, however in times past it was just so I could prove a point to other people. I have been thinking about it lately however this time around, should I move out, I want it to be for me. I understand that I have to prepare thoroughly for that, this entails financial preparation as my top-most priority.
I have been eating alone a lot lately, which I don’t want to do anymore…and from the look of things, I might do some more of that for a bit.
Bottom line, I’m not happy, on several fronts, and much as I know someone else will read this, I need You to help me make sense of this point in my life
Thanks for listening,
till next time,
easy does it
Mean what you say (1)
‘…Let your ‘Yes’ be yes, and your ‘No,’ no…’ James 5:12
Remember when people said what they meant? Maybe you didn’t like it, but you understood what they meant, and you knew they meant it. The word ‘cool’ meant somewhere between warm and cold, and if you said, ‘wicked good,’ someone would’ve asked which one it was. It seems like straightforward speech is going the way of the horse and carriage. The Bible tells us, ‘Let your “Yes” be yes, and your “No”, no.’ In other words, mean what you say and say what you mean. Failing to do so damages relationships. We avoid saying ‘no,’ or we say ‘yes’ when we don’t want to, out of the fear of rejection.
And what are the results?
1) we live with stress, anger or resentment over feeling mistreated by others
2) our life becomes a classic double-bind where we feel trapped whichever way we go: ‘If I say no, you’ll be mad at me; if I don’t, I’ll be mad at myself and you!’ So we stay stuck in our own pressurised trap
3) the other person will never know how we really feel, or understand why we act as we do. Unless you say what you feel, you’ll never get what you need from others. People don’t change, until you change how you interact with them
4) your choice to avoid what you fear is what makes you a victim, not other people’s words or actions
5) you become part of the problem, surrendering to others the power God gave you to determine your own direction and set your own boundaries. So start saying what you mean, whether it’s ‘yes’ or ‘no!’
http://www.ucb.co.uk/word_for_today