Life!

Worries! They are constantly around us. They are the unexpected birth of a child. One that we hadn't planned for but always turns out to be a blessing. In every situation of worry, pain, hardship, or tribulation, there is a lesson to be learned. My way might not be the best to deal with any of these things but it's not a constant way either. I have learnt that in wallowing I lose myself, in thinking, I submerge me into rivers of endless failures simply because I never stopped to be still. Negligence only causes myriads of illnesses of that same formerly unwanted but possibly blessing infant. It is in believing in the Him that we do not see and trusting in the grace that He gives that brings peace. Even if it is for a little time (because we are all human and we do lose that place now and again) we see the blessing that is life in Him. My problems are not bigger than me, my future is not mine to see, and my past has never been anyone's to judge. There is hope here, there is faith here, and there is the will to grow in Him. That thought alone, has kept me going and Lord knows it's taken me a long time to see even the slightest glimpse of light but He has been patient with me, and He will love me always. Yes I always feel like a 1 on a scale of 10 when put against a board of my brethren and sistren but that's not the way it ought to be. This relationship begins and ends with Him in me.It doesn't matter how much I attempt to shine my human self to others, it won't make them like me more. Even if they did, it'd only be temporary. Those that truly know Him (even without their own knowledge) will show me the same love He has put in my heart. There is no effort in friendship, no anger or nastiness. There is genuine care and affection, never doubting but forever understanding, lovingly correcting, and even when times are rough, there is harmony in the awareness that all things are done for the betterment of the other. When these things are achieved, nothing and no one can separate the bond that has been made. And today, I am thankful for all those that have blessed me beyond words, that have called to check on me even when I spent months without contacting them. Those that have pursued me to remind me that Jesus does love me, the ones that have put behind them my flaws and chosen to see good in me. And I am especially grateful for those that have seen the flaws, and shared with me how I can change them, that have not been afraid to tell me that I need to reconsider the path I was on. I thank God for putting people like these in my life so that I can realize just how powerful He is. And most of all, so that I can remember, through my own mistakes, my own trials, my own iniquity that we are ALL His children and we must always do unto others as we'd have them do unto us. I am cutting my hair some time real soon and I am looking forward to this great event! I love changing up my hairstyle and one day, I pray for the patience to be able to grow my hair out completely, and natural. I am taking the big step slowly but I think I am ready for it. School is coming to a close (last day of classes is the 30th) and then it's exam time. It is rather stressful considering that I need to graduate. I say I need to but then again there is no rush. It's just not a grand feeling to be asking for more tuition money for a semester of taking just one class after all these years have been paid for. But God is forever in control and it is for that reason alone that I am confident.The Virginia Tech shooting was horrid. I watched the video left by the killer this morning and it left me dumbfounded. I understand that there is a lot of anger going around and the 'natural' human way to deal with tragedies such as these is to find someone/something to blame. I am not going for the anger- call him crazy- critic US weapon ownership laws road. I am only praying for the families of the victims, the family of the killer, and the souls of all who died. In situations such as these, there is only one to look to. The riots back home are getting out of control. The media, like in the above scenario are spinning things to the favor of evil feelings of hatred and separation. And yet, I pray still for the people who lead our beautiful nation to be touched by His wisdom and act and govern accordingly. For most, and I thought about this a lot, mine seems like a laissez-faire attitude but I learnt something in the summer of '05. No amount of anger will be able to change things. Only remorse and hatred spring from anger. Prayer is a much stronger weapon than atomic bombs and biological weaponry. Faith that all my prayers are heard beats any UN resolution to be passed or vetoed. I believe and He answers, not always in the ways I expect Him to, but He shows me always. And I believe Him for the salvation of His children. Bless!