A bit of this and that

I skipped town this afternoon to a remote happy location that I will not disclose because that would defeat the purpose of skipping town. randomly.So now I sit in a tiny cosy kitchen that smells both of spicy meatballs and cinnamon Christmas candles. And as a form of self inventory-I'm giving in to the urge to write. At least a little.I am thankful that Christmas is gone and with it the undue pressure to be deliriously happy. I am not unhappy for the most part. I however, seem acutely averse to being told how to feel. Not everybody can be sparkly on cue you know?On that note, I apologize to all the people I instructed to have a merry Christmas--it was all the pressure you know, to be merry and stuff. What I really meant-was have a good Christmas whatever that means to you.I have considered getting a tattoo over the last few days. That is part of the trouble with down time. First you regroup, recover from all the things life has done to you prior to your breather and then you start to go crazy. You try awful recipes and cause your family to order emergency Chinese, then you think of ways to permanently alter your skin. I am not getting one I have decided. For two reasons. No, my mother will not kill me. She has bigger problems than my potential stupidity.First, I am indecisive. And you are not allowed to be indecisive when it comes to tattoos. You have to know that you know. It is not quite like ordering coffee...you can't just mumble some sleepy ideas to the barrister and walk out of the shop with a steaming cup of something delicious.Maybe you can. But I am not taking that chance.Also, I will not get a tattoo because I evolve too much. If this was the beginning of time and we were still monkeys and all that, I would be voted most likely to NOT be a monkey by the end of the day. Please be aware that I am not at all referring to my superior ability to advance....because if you know me at all you know that this is not the case. As far as monkeyness goes, I am completely regular, four legs, a tail....Ok, maybe that was a bit much.I am just saying though ordinary, I am extremely inconsistent about most things and even though I usually understand why I loved what I loved ten years or ten minutes ago...I can't get myself to think or feel the same way again.In light of this evidence, I think you agree that it would be wiser if I didn't get a tattoo.Having down time also led inevitably to introspection which I'm sure seems more innocuous than getting the ill advised tattoo, but I would (if I were important enough to make these kinds of decrees) suggest that introspection be put on the same list as alcohol and drugs and cigarettes and driving race cars.The list of things that should be regulated by the government. Or whatever power tickles your fancy. As long as someone controlled how much, when and how we did it. We mostly worry about being mugged, wrecking our cars, or falling off bridges and while these are understandably realistic worries, I am suddenly more concerned about our inner ability to self destruct. A few hours of unrestrained thought is enough to kill our dreams, break our own hearts. I said all of that when I could have just said-If you can help it, don't visit your skeletons too often. I otherwise wish you a generally pleasant break. I mean if a hangover or two slip in, thats okay just as long as you are content.That's what it comes down to apparently. That crazy inexplicable peace in spite and despite all.I don't know when, but I will be back. I do not write a lot these days as you have probably already figured. Where I was standing was never really the question you see, it is easy to tell when you are on the outside looking in. The only thing that is fuzzy is just how far out you are. And then one day you just find your way, you find your magical crack in the wall and you are in. It was a beautiful and ugly day...the day I discovered that I love something else more than I love to write.This little song well, it's for you/These lovely years, here with you/ and you, you make me run/ and you, you make me want to live/ for you.-Fisher Lyrics. Song Title: You