What’s next?

You have discovered quite suddenly, an “I don’t care.” For weeks you have prepared tirelessly for a professional exam, because you have failed it twice before and do not want to fail it again. You have shirked all the responsibilities it was possible to shirk, you have skipped work and you have skipped so many classes, you have lost count. You are running on caffeine and adrenaline. You have honed your entire life into a single sharp point: pass! Pass the darn-damn-dratted exam! You have studied as you have never studied before. The formulas have danced on the backs of your eye-lids. When you have opened your mouth, you have spoken on probabilities, and least likely and more likely scenarios. You have referenced Poisson like an old best friend, until people have begun to look at you funny. You have turned off your cell-phone, your facebook, your skype; you have told yourself you can afford no distractions. “It’s only one month,” you have told your friends, “it will be worth it in the end, you’ll see.”
But then you have taken the exam…and failed.
It is a difficult thing to describe falling into a black hole. To feel your heart sinking and disappearing, just like that: whoosh!
You have discovered quite suddenly an, “I don’t care.”
You want one thing only: to head right on home. One-way.