LISTEN UP BOYS!!

Seated in a club last night, watching people have a good time and a majority doing things they would regret the next morning, I couldn’t help but notice a couple…well to say couple would give the impression that that were some form a stable relationship, which would be the utmost fallacy, because for couples…the woman never tries soooo hard to keep his attention. The man happens to be a famous music producer and the girl…from the amount of effort she put into gyrating and sticking her tongue down his throat could have just been “some chic”. Don’t get me wrong, very few things, I gather, are a bigger turn on than a woman who knows what she wants and doesn’t mince words about it, the thing is, where do we draw the line between assertive self assured expression and a desperate & needy attention seeking. At one point she actually ground his head into her chest, I can only presume it was an attempt on her part to distract him from the sight…and scent of other females. And what did he do? Just obliged her…he enjoyed every minute of it and in between breaks…bathroom ones I presume, he would assure a famous singer of how he is “in things”. Not even once did he try to grab or maintain her attention and after an hour of watching them, I wasn’t mad at him, I was INCENSED at her! Why the F@#K does she have to try so hard?! This quickly progressed to indignation at the fact that in this whole mating/courtship farce, women have the shorter end of the stick because for the most part, they allow it. I refused to ponder the afore mentioned woman’s complex, no mystery: she’s a pathetic little creature desperate for the affirmation of her worth and she thinks she will get it by being shagged by a half stoned , womanizing, not so sanitary looking albeit “celebrity “ producer. Case closed. But it got me thinking about more. I asked myself how many times totally unsuitable and undesirable men had pursued me and persisted for months, some years, solely because I didn’t have the heart to tell them that it would be a cold day in hell, before I even let them touch me. When I was younger it was mostly because I was too shy to be brutally honest. Now that I am older, I think it is because I was too agitated to be bothered, but the problem persists: I still have Toads coming up to me asking a Princess for a kiss! Men need to know that they aren’t the only picky ones, we women can and will be particular, not because we believe in demand perfection or the fairy tale ending, but because we are entitled to get men WE WANT, not just men. So, listen up boys…Who gave you men the dumb idea that you kissing us is always pleasurable? There is such a thing as a lousy kisser. The one that slobs and reminds you of a pet dog licking your face- bloody wet. There is the vacuum cleaner that is an exercise in suction pain. Oh and how can we forget the lazy kisser, the one that just moves his lips meaninglessly over yours, distracted, as if he has better to do. Lads we know you want one thing but a sure fire way to the kill is to make the prelude worthwhile. Other guys that should be tossed into kissing hell are smokers. For the guys who actually smoke, if the women who kiss you were to be very honest, that s!@t tastes nasty!! There is no other way of putting it. Once a guy who smokes kissed me and I kid you not, that is when I started contemplating quitting myself. I was grossed out and ashamed that I could have subjected some other person to that trauma. Most ladies will tell you that tonsil hockey with a smoker is that fastest way to induce nausea, especially if she isn’t a smoker herself. And alcohol laced breathe? And yes, alcohol isn’t always bad but boys let’s be honest, you think your cheap liquor, beer breath is a huge plus but lots of women just grin and bear it. But, don’t be too fast to ditch the alcohol, good liquor, in moderate amounts has been known to rave some women’s engines.I don’t know how many times men have me approached for a romantic and/or sexual liaison and to be honest, without a heart beats hesitation I have thwarted their advances based solely on their protruding gut. Guys, what the hell are we supposed to do with a freaking belly? What? Cuddle it, sing to it lullabies in bed? Are we supposed to look at your beer gut and work with it? Pray tell, one of you please show me a Kama Sutra position that necessitates a belly and I will shout about it on the roof tops! Ladies let’s be honest, we hate the gut!! Men spend so much time talking about wanting flat supple tummies and never think about the fact that not only is it unsightly in bed, it also does nothing for us women. For you who seems dead set on the missionary position, do practice supporting your weight as you do it, be considerate…you may suffocate her one time. Ok not all of us want Mr. Universe, true, but when we touch you, please let it not seem like we are touching ourselves. There is no rule against toned thighs and butt. Don’t get me started about men’s flabby butts. We women are putting in a bit of effort into this keeping in shape thing, not only because we want to be healthy but to keep our men happy. Do you think you boys can keep us happy too? One little favour…lose the flab for goodness sake! Oh and another thing, the next time you wonder why she hesitated to get on her knees and blow you, it may be, because you are a dirty prick. If you can’t keep it clean, the least you can do is get it circumcised. There are loads of benefits by the way as you may have heard, but the most unspoken of is a woman’s relative peace of mind to the relative state of hygiene before she takes you in. Dudes, most of you like BJ’s, fine but have you ever thought that she adamantly refuses because she is aware she can catch some funky shit from you, whose presence will not only be embarrassing but whose location in the mouth would be damn hard to explain. I once had a candid discussion with a woman who likes to give “Kittwe” and I asked her what is in it for her. She obliged me by telling me that she just likes the men’s ecstatic reactions. Good for her but remember, some women are convinced that they can achieve those same reactions without going down on you. So if she says, she “doesn’t do that” bloody lay off! One more thing Sweety, if she obliges you, don’t be a selfish pig…return the favour.Enough of this candid x-rated stuff…next time I promise I will be good and talk about global warming or some serious political public holiday that was forced on us, and all we do is use it as an excuse not to work…I promise…Until later, hadios!WARNING: THIS BLOG ENTRY WAS A VEILED THREAT AGAINST ANY SMOKING, DRUNKARD OR POT BELLIED MEN…KEEP THE F$!&K AWAY FROM ME!!!!