THAT'S WHAT'S UP

It’s been long huh?! Yeah. I have been busy…growing up, starting a business, making out with different guys, loving one man, losing him, getting him back, losing him again. Speaking of loss, I read Kitten’s latest post and the cynic in me screamed “great way to conveniently get rid of a non-existent man!” but there was this tiny part that said “Fuck no! God! No! If Kenny really existed…he was her true love!” but I am leaning more towards cynical skepticism….whaddya think?If it’s true, then SEXKITTEN'S life reads like a classical tragic play that even Sophocles would be envious of...no one should ever have to go through shit like that.Once in a while, like once in a year, I have 2-3 days where I indulge in the exquisite catharsis that is smoking a cigarette. Last weekend was one of those days. To be honest, it’s the only time I prayed for real, since this year began. As I puffed away while sitting at the back door of my house, all I could do was be honest with God. I wasn’t very depressed, just sad. I admitted to God, that I really don’t think about kids but it would be nice to have two sons and a daughter someday…but not yet. That I miss my ex terribly, yet I don’t believe in marriage neither do I want us to be a couple. That my mother is awesome. That my friends are my bedrock and that when it is all said and done, I want it all. I want the amazing children, the devoted life partner and the successful business and career…. So after the last smoking day on Sunday evening as I sent my ex honest texts, I couldn’t help but laugh at myself. I want more to provide for my parents and siblings more than I want to have kids. I wanna have a huge career and loads of money to spare. If I settle down with a man, great, if I don’t, great. I am done feeling guilty that the whole babies and marrying thing isn’t a priority for me.I started going to the gym regularly about 2 months ago and I feel great. The weird thing is my weight has been fluctuating so I have decided that this month I am gonna watch what I eat closely so I can have consistent results as far as weight loss is concerned.A guy recently asked me to be his girlfriend. He has been after me for 6 years now and you know why at even seemingly my most vulnerable, I couldn’t say yes? His Money! I can’t stand the fact that he is a hoard rat. Likes to make money but seems never to spend it on anyone, even himself. We have talked about this for years, he says he is going to change but he hasn’t. He makes quite a bit of money now, I mean he is a lawyer overseeing some really lucrative deals but can’t get himself to buy the most modest car for all practical purposes. He makes a whole lot more than his peers and YET he refuses to foot any bill when we hang out. It’s stingy and I can’t stand stingy men, and to be honest I was kinda insulted when he pursued me this time quite aggressively without trying to address this fundamental flaw. So he is out. I deleted his number…Anyway, I started a business and I am praying it makes sense. Hell…I want it to be a raving success, so I am working hard at it. Wish me luck.xoxo