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How to ‘kwana’ a girl posted on October 14, 2011 - 2:00pm

kwana [kwah-nah] (v.) to woo, hit on, solicit, kwens, court, pursue, chase usually with the end goal being getting laid / or marriage . . . eventually.
Here are a few ways on how to successfully get that girl you just met and fell in love with. Yes, she has to be one of those ‘love at first sight’ type girls. You know, you walk into a room and see her beauty from the entrance and she smiles at you and tells you your tie’s a little crooked. Just that act of kindness is enough for you to say you love her and want to settle down with her and give her as many babies as she can pop out. Follow these instructions: carefully:

Body Image posted on September 30, 2011 - 4:10pm

Does size matter? I met a 5-and-a-half year old boy who was such a delight to talk to but he went on and on about soccer the cuteness started to wear off. That’s not the point. Here’s an excerpt of a conversation I had with him:

Him: You look like one of my girlfriends.
Me: One of them? How many do you have?
Him: 13. (I later found out that there were 13 girls in his class)
Me: 13! Wow! How do you get time for all of them? You must like one more than the others.

Him: [thinking for a bit while scrunching up his cute face] I have a favourite.
Me: Who’s your favourite?

Despicable Me posted on February 9, 2011 - 10:40am

Me (vehemently): I’d NEVER be that kind of woman who’s comfortable being taken care of . I feel like I’m less of a person for it. Why can’t I get my own stuff and not have to rely on a man?
Her (wisely): So, do you despise those kind of women?
Me: OF COURSE!
Her: What makes them so despicable?
Me: *stumped*
I’ve decided to put myself out there and be ‘taken care of’. Yes, no more splitting the bill, no more refusing you to put fuel in my car, heck buy me a car if you want. Let’s see how this works. Meet Despicable Me.

Smell The Colour 9 posted on November 26, 2010 - 4:19pm

‘Smell the color 9? is a song by Chris Rice that has got me thinking about Christianity in general. Here are the lyrics:
I would take ‘no’ for an answer
Just to know I heard You speak
And I’m wonderin’ why I’ve never
Seen the signs they claim they see
A lot of special revelations
Meant for everybody but me
Maybe I don’t truly know You
Or maybe I just simply believe
‘Cause I can sniff, I can see
And I can count up pretty high
But these faculties aren’t getting me
Any closer to the sky
But my heart of faith keeps poundin’
So I know I’m doin’ fine
But sometimes finding You
Is just like trying to
Smell the color nine

Childhood Innocence posted on November 5, 2010 - 12:08pm

My mind must work different from everyone else because when I hear something or even see something, it takes a while to process it the way it was supposed to be and I end up embarrassing myself. My mother has given me a puzzled look one too many times when she asks me to do something simple and I go and do an entirely complicated and convoluted act altogether. So recently I was thinking of my thought process from the time I was a child and I remembered this weird instance.

Lessons for my future sons (Final Chapter) posted on November 2, 2010 - 12:28pm

Blame it on my short attention span or the fact that I am too busy to complete this project but I have thrown in the towel. Here are the other lessons I would like to teach my sons but they are all straight from George Washington. I would like to blog about other things now so thank you for your patience as I wrote this long book. Final chapter’s finally here:
61. Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grave and learn’d men nor very difficult questions or subjects, among the ignorant or things hard to be believed, stuff not your discourse with sentences amongst your betters nor equals.
62. Speak not of doleful things in a time of mirth or at the table; speak not of melancholy things as death and wounds, and if others mention them change if you can the discourse tell not your dreams, but to your intimate friend.
63. A man ought not to value himself of his achievements, or rare qualities of wit; much less of his riches virtue or kindred.

Lessons for my future sons (Part Six) posted on October 23, 2010 - 6:17pm

Moving on as if I didn’t take an extra long break . . .
51. Wear not your clothes foul, ripped or dusty but see they be brush’d once everyday at least and take heed that you approach not to any uncleaness.
See what I keep telling you? Dirt is not gentlemanly at all. You need to make sure you’re always clean before you leave the house. Your socks should be clean and don’t forget to wear clean underwear either.
52. In your apparel be modest and endeavor to accommodate nature, rather than to procure admiration keep to the fashion of your equals such as are civil and orderly with respect to times and places.
Basically don’t wear surfing shorts and no shirt to go to church. Appropriate and modest dress is one thing that I know I’ve taught you so this should not even be an issue. Each time and place has appropriate attire so stick to it.

Lessons for my future sons (Part Five) posted on October 19, 2010 - 5:06pm

It’s been a while since I updated, seeing as I have eleven parts of these lessons. So I just might post many at once. As a refresher, here are George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation. And this is what I will be teaching my sons:
41. Undertake not to teach your equal in the art himself proffesses; it savors of arrogancy.
I appreciate how many of these lessons involve humility and respect for others. Mommy has a tendency of arguing about something she’s only vaguely aware of when others ‘profess the art’ so don’t follow in her footsteps. Listen to what the doctors and professors have to say and then form your own opinion.
42. Let thy ceremonies in courtesie be proper to the dignity of his place with whom thou conversest for it is absurd to act the same with a clown and a prince.

Lessons for my future sons (Part Four) posted on October 13, 2010 - 4:26pm

I don’t look at this as a list of DON’Ts, it’s more a guideline for if you don’t know what to do in a situation. Like the situations below:
31. If any one far surpasses others, either in age, estate, or merit yet would give place to a meaner than himself in his own lodging or elsewhere the one ought not to except it, so he on the other part should not use much earnestness nor offer it above once or twice.
If you’re sleeping over at someone’s home and they offer you their biggest bed, you should politely decline. Of if that someone gets up from the head of the table and offers you the seat, politely decline. But if he insists, don’t make him beg you more than twice, just take whatever is offered with gratitude.

Lessons for my future sons (Part Three) posted on October 12, 2010 - 1:52pm

This is going to go on for another week so fasten your seatbelts.
21. Reproach none for the infirmities of nature, nor delight to put them that have in mind thereof.
Laughing at the handicapped is not how I raised you. You know that God made each and every one special so don’t point out others’ disabilities or infirmities. Don’t even smirk to yourself, it could have happened to you.
22. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another though he were your enemy.
You know the Bible teaches us to love even our enemies so treat them with love at all times. No matter how badly you feel about someone, it’s not fair to laugh or joy at their misfortune. Misfortune can befall anyone and you don’t want to end up being the one laughed at.
23. When you see a crime punished, you may be inwardly pleased; but always show pity to the suffering offender.