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laughable scenes from the riots posted on September 14, 2009 - 4:44pm

t this very moment, i have to do everything i can to control the nervous shivers in my stomach; my appraisal form, from which it will be determined whether i'm worth my employers pay as permament staff, is at the boss'. so boss looks at it and there is a continuous twitch from his tightly shut lip spreading out to his left side. never seen that before so i dont know whether it is a good or bad thing. "i will need to look at this so u can leave it here. come back later" and here i'm. Waiting, amidst unbearable tension. the recommended options are; confirm, terminate contract, renew contract, prolong confirmation. i only require one ticked; Confirm.In a quest to keep myself from giving in to the nerves, i have wracked my brains for all things funny, or with the slightest ability to make me laugh, each laugh hysterically exaggarated. so i come up with this one from the recent Mu7 vs kabaka riots;

eating the damn meat. uurrrgggghhhh... posted on September 3, 2009 - 2:40pm

I keep getting asked why I don’t eat meat and I’v now run out of seemingly sensible excuses, so I thought I should publish the truth for all to see. that way, (publishing it) I get to only say it once. In case I should end up on a date with either of u bloggers. And you fail the ultimate test; Asking me why I don’t want to eat meat that is.Just so we’r all clear therefore;I hate and avoid eating meat because normally there’s more meat left lodged between my teeth than reaches my stomach. And I’m sure it should be the other way round. So if meat don’t want to do wat’s expected of it when it is eaten, I aint eating it either. Period.Oh, and the task of removing that meat from my teeth! Gosh- it’s so not worth it.

If u didnt write one of these... posted on July 30, 2009 - 3:38pm

surely u recieved one...lulu????????Dear Sugar Time and ability plus double capacity has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. Why! this miraculous thing happened is because papie I love you spontaneously and as I stand horizontal to the wall and perpendicular to the ground I only think of you, since you are a fantastic and fabulous guy. papie please Stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat. To me each day starts by thinking of you and ends by dreaming of you. Each time I see you my metabolism suddenly stops and my peristalysis goes in reverse gear My medular-oblangata also stops functioning.

i met a guy... posted on July 26, 2009 - 7:17pm

I met a guy. A blogger. For the first time. He possesses the best set of hands and fingers I have seen on a man.The second time, which was the next day, Packed somewhere along a road, from about 1am to somewhere about 4am, He let me sock his shoulder pads in tears, About issues that didn’t concern him, That I wasn’t even willing to discuss with him. All I wanted was a non-judgmental shoulder to cry on and he offered it. he let me touch his hands.Just how thwit is this guy

life's a sucker posted on July 1, 2009 - 4:34pm

Posting this single line here, to connect with all of blogsville, is all i can do right now to stop the tears lingering just beneath my eyelids from rolling down my cheeks.But Life can suck!i need some loveor i'l buy a ropei swear. i'm not threatening. walayi. tinkubiha. muga katonda mugulu.....i swear.LOVE U ALL

Happy Father's Day Mum posted on June 19, 2009 - 12:52pm

I still wanted to get married and bring my children up with their dad. i still belived there were good men out there that did well by women. i had survived the ''i hate men' complex (oh i love men!!!) i'd noticed all my other girlfriends from single-mother homes had. And i didnt think of all men as pigs, just bse my father had chosen to be adulterous and condemn us to a life in a broken home. No. I was clearly a normal girl child. Almost as good as all the others even though I had never had the opportunity to call ‘daddy’But on my graduation day it all came flooding out, For the first time I let myself think back on how we had gotten to that place with my mother; I stood up there, before everything she had so painstakingly prepared to share our achievement thus far and the image of her walking to and from town everyday until her shoe soles gave way glared at me;

he definately beats me posted on May 11, 2009 - 9:53am

…I’m cursing my employers in all the languages I know and calling friends and relatives to aid me with more curses in more languages…and then I find something that makes me laugh out loud…I open a folder on my PC with some of my work and in it I see a document saved as ‘suckers’. Suckers? Suckers? Cant remember when I might have had to write about suckers so I open it and … it’s a list of many assignements I had some time that were killing me! I instantly forgive myself for the coarse language and get on with renewing this list….makes me feel better. That I call the shitload a bad name.I always thought I was ba(r)d. The ba(r)dest in fact. I mean;

LOL...copied and pasted posted on April 29, 2009 - 9:42am

...there's something about today that i dont quite get...i feel happy, at peace, elated...u know. i feel so good, (about what i have no clue), its scary.cant wait to see how it goes....For now, i hope i can draw from this feeling today on the days when the cloud over my head grows thick...i'm thankful, to whatever; i'm not that easy to please....interesting facts expressed in interesting waysCondom says to Pad "When you work, I lose seven days of business."Pad replies, "If you fail to work once, my business stops for Ninemonths!"**************************************A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: "Why do you have

Attempting to decipher moi posted on April 21, 2009 - 6:29pm

Who the hell asks a woman to lay herself bare. and on the internet, huh? Ug.Gal? I thought this whole ‘tag’ thing would pass and I would survive but seems like people are really serious. I was tagged by Jny and Ug.Gal, and yah...i have bounced on my heels ever since i got the AWARDS (surely thats enough bragging...).Ten things (oooooooops, sorry, TRUTHS…not gonna be easy) of who I think I am that you people don’t know I am, i must confess, so here goes;1. I’m not as smart as most people try to make me out to be; they mistake my loud mouth for brains.2. I revel in being nude yet 90% of those who'v known me intimately will swear by my shyness…(poor chaps)3. Half the time I’m in the boss’ office I spend nurturing my sexual fantasies towards him…. the other half brooding and hating him and me for not being available to each other

I’m right now posted on April 15, 2009 - 1:23pm

I’m right now toppling over with laughterAnd I think I want to share. My sense of humour is pretty cheap though so feel free not to laugh alongThere is this muvabulaya friend of mine who never ceases to amuse with his outside countries’ tales. The latest is one on his sister in law who was recently deported back to Uganda after leaving away from home for over 30 years. Residing in London illegally. She was gotten off the streets in London and deported with nothing to her name except the shorter than short skirt and knee length boots she was wearing matched with a top no woman over 40 years of age ‘should be’ seen wearing on African soil (except for the Swazi women), complete with wild-colored hair extensions. And that’s how she was delivered to her gomesi and kanzu wearing parents at the airport amidst exclamations of ‘God Have mercy. Gunno Omusege si mwana wange’.