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nursing school chronicles: 1 posted on January 23, 2011 - 3:53am

Things are already becoming intense and it’s only week 2 of the semester. I’ve been trying to stay on top of the reading and all craziness related to nursing. I don’t want to be as stressed out as I was last semester.   Did the ropes course on Tuesday of this week and I surprised myself by not freaking out over heights as usual. I talked myself into trying everything at least once and in a way it was good for me.  Found out that life in general gives you as much as you are willing to put into it. There is my nugget of wisdom for the day. ... Even though I’m sure I read that someplace else back when I still read books for fun.   Does writing about our lives make us more narcissistic or just more aware?

Christmas blues posted on December 15, 2010 - 8:45am

The smell of roasted chicken on the 24th, the light in the eyes of your siblings as they anticipate the feasting of the next day,  the acceptance of family, regardless of what the year has been like,  the sound of Jim reeves  and Boney M playing in the background ……It was in moments like these  that our world stood still.  We forgot our challenges, we forgot our fears and for 5 minutes, we had the time of our lives and danced without a care in the world.

Because i'm on my way to being a great nurse.... posted on September 24, 2010 - 4:11am

Another one of those crazy tests that make you question learning styles that have worked for ages but are producing crappy results lately.  WEIRD!  I’m slightly perturbed by nursing testing. I don’t like being confused. I don’t like studying for days and then being frazzled by questions that are designed have two good answers but one BEST answer.  Pathophysiology is hard but at least there is only one right answer. I can live with being wrong when I’m wrong without question.

Deception posted on July 23, 2010 - 10:17am

Darkness masquerades as a friend, not just  mere inspiration for loosely morbid poetryit seems as if it knows me bestseeing all neither aiding nor standing in the waysurrounding me in the depths of the war over my soul, comforting me when i fail ,reluctantly acknowledging my victory should i emerge a temporary master of self and selfishness, cautioning and enabling 

giving free reign to thought posted on July 3, 2010 - 9:26am

my writing is sporadic at best. and to those to whom this makes any difference in their lives, i apologize. life gets hectic. this is only a conduit of  release, and while  opportunities to indulge  may often present themselves,sometimes it's easier to stay out of my own mind than to face the reality of what i'll find...or fail to find.  this is  what's in here right now....1. cant remember what it feels like to keep things simple. what a tangled web I've weaved2. it's kinda hard to dislike contradiction when it's the one word that most accurately defines you3. i need to stop caring about what other people think about xyz....it's a stifling way to live

oh well.... posted on June 5, 2010 - 3:40am

At 8:45 pm, in my bed in a foreign country I finally come to the realization of what’s really been bugging me. What’s made me freak out the boyfriend with sudden unexplained tears to which in his great wisdom he attributes to hormones. Can’t agree with him, can’t refute it either. Life does feel like a roller coaster ride for the most part. I haven’t written in forever, haven’t cared too. Been too busy being bogged down by my insignificance and the impermanence of my existence even as all this great stuff was happening in my life. It’s what we all long for, a fulfilling life, the prospect of true love, a very real possibility that all our life’s dreams could come true.

introspection posted on January 14, 2010 - 6:19pm

strangers in my house   my mind      my life.  undefined edges    blurred faces     feelings....places.  fluid thoughts  join together-      an endless streamof what used to be,    might have been ,      If Only...

the truth posted on December 6, 2009 - 11:00pm

It is the scariest thing in the world. It has the power to break hearts, it has the power to heal us. They say it can set us free. I dont know, it might depend on the truth you see, sometimes it feels like the truth just might be the death of me.  I know it can eat us from within, constantly battering our insides as if our life depends on it. The truth maybe the hardest thing to bear, but it still is the truth, sooner than later, whether kicking and screaming or having been beaten into desperate submission by the weight of it all, it's something we all have to face. And  if we are fortunate enough,we come out bruised and broken..... but alive.

Blasted possibilities posted on November 10, 2009 - 8:06am

Hope is a funny thing.Existing even when we will it not to. In spite of reason Or obvious evidence pointing to the contrary, It refuses to die. it fools you into thinking you are done with ityou cant feel or see it anymore. Convinced that you’ve beaten it buried it deep into the groundeven planted grass to cover it’s optimistic headyou say to yourself ‘hope has breathed its final breath, hope which dare not die …..is dead.’ Finally you can rest After all, one need not worry about the dead!You forget that hope is a funny thing. Till you are struckBy a kicked-in-the-gut feelingIt catches you unaware...a hard fast blow that leaves you reeling in shock. You realize that while it hid, it grew It spread its roots in your very core. It thrived in you and you never even knew.            Blasted possibilities!

To whom it may concern..... posted on November 9, 2009 - 3:41am

the only thing to come out of this long absence is an intense disgust for all things cute( stories, books, beliefs, even tissue) and a creepy desire for anything that is shocking. There is a stranger in my mind,throwing stuff around , shaking it up a little bit which might explain why i cant quite write coherently. my girlfriends think i'm in a weird place and it's just a phase. my sister keeps wondering why i'm so dysfunctional and where the disconnect with fellow humans comes from. all i do look, listen and return to operating at bare minimum. Having given you an update ,i'm returning to my cave to perhaps retrieve my scripted and much more easily read personality .Crazier stuff has happened to people so there's no need to worry. I will return........maybe.