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Redirect To Awesomeness… posted on October 6, 2010 - 10:43am

MP utters sense, shocks nation posted on August 10, 2010 - 11:31am

By our reporter
Journalists were yesterday shocked during a parliament session when an otherwise harmless member of parliament uttered a statement that haboured traces of intelligence. According to several reliable sources the incident that happened at exactly 0807hours GMT started after the MP suggested that roads in Uganda needed to be worked on.
The scene of the dreadful incident

Badass Title posted on August 4, 2010 - 8:29am

Phenomenal post that drastically changes the way people look at things.

Titles: My Weekend posted on August 2, 2010 - 8:20am

Welcome to the Rented show, folks.
I’m going to tell you about how I spent part of my weekend; so if you care and really want to know about it, mind your own fucking business and get a life. However, if you don’t give a crap and are wondering why the fuck I’d want to tell you about shit that doesn’t really concern you, please take a seat. You’re welcome to read.
The start of the story
Now, Saturday and I have this thing that we attend almost every week at Dominos. It’s a long story but in basic summary, many pizza families have lost their dear ones.

A Longo Longo Time Ago… posted on July 9, 2010 - 8:58am

They lived happily ever after. Until the month of the Holy Potato in the year 978XD655Q. The Wankers still ruled Planet Far Far Away right to this moment, Friday 8:02:14a.m when the announcement was echoed through Wena’s aeroset.
Wena, the day guard on duty at the Far Far Awaiean leader’s palace, was lost in wonderment about how he could eat only white rice for eight straight days and still manage to have brown poop when the aeroset croaked: “All ye mortals of Far Far Away, this is an important announcement. I am DJ Zeezoo on 93.7FM and the next song goes…”

Do You Know Who I Am? posted on July 6, 2010 - 7:51am

I am that dude on facebook. Yeah. The one who keeps updating my page with boring status messages while checking back every three minutes for any comments. None? Then I’ll change my relationship status to “in a relationship”. Yeah, that should get me a few comments. None still? I thought these guys were my friends. Okay, I’ll become a serial commenter and, where it fails, a serial liker. Where are the fucking comments?

Forget Me Now posted on June 10, 2010 - 11:37am

Lemme guess. Facebook told you there’s porn here. You sick pervert! He lied. But because you came, well, maybe just one ka-pic.

What happened to the last interviewer?
He died.
What? You sound awfully calm for a bearer of such news? When did he die?
He didn’t say. Look, can we get straight to why we’re here?
Yes, sorry. Could you tell us something interesting about you?
Who?
You. Your personality, your likes, your dislikes…

A Short Story By The Author posted on June 7, 2010 - 8:42am

Gustav
He was vicious, impenitent and utterly fearless. Just like Taylor Swift’s album. Most of all he was a thief; a very habitual and insufferable thief. He stole everything he could, and what he couldn’t, he cursed. His name was Innocent.
One time he was heard rebuking a heavy granite-laced statue because it was impossible to steal and, therefore, a disgrace to humanity. “Go burn in hell, shitprick! Selfish fucker!” he spat. The habit stemmed right from childhood when, at the very tender age of one day, he stole his father’s name when he wasn’t looking. And that’s how he came to be called Gustav. Innocent Gustav.
Growing up, Gustav didn’t believe in getting things the right way. If it was bought for him, he took it back to the shop and stole it back. For his sixteenth birthday, his father bought him a car but Gustav wasn’t too happy about it and hated his father. What kind of human being did such a cruel thing to his son?

I Refuse To Be Forgotten posted on June 4, 2010 - 11:06am

Y’all wanted to know me. So here I am.

Erique, why the heck do you drink so much?
Well, let’s put it this way. When I was only a year old, I heard a voice; it told me it had a message for me and that message was hidden in a bottle. “The contents of that bottle are alcoholic,” it said. “Look for that message.” 23 years later, I’m still looking for it.
23?
Yes, 23. Do you have a problem with that?
No, sir.
Don’t sir me. I’m Erique.
Erique, huh? Not Eric?

Monday Massacre: For Old Times’ Sake posted on May 24, 2010 - 8:45am

This shit is brought to you by the people who bring you things.
Thinkments: Part I
Have you ever had one of those moments where you just don’t want to listen to radio, all the TV stations are boring, your Hangover DVD is skipping, your computer is persistently playing Soulja Boy (DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT BOY! YOU DON’T WANT IT ON YOUR CONSCIENCE!), your porn DVD won’t talk to you because of what it saw that dude do to that chic from behind and there was nothing you did to stop it, and your last airtime grudgingly stormed out of your phone coz, I quote, “You used me, you selfish bastard”? (Shit! It was a question the whole time?)